So, in church last Sunday I definitely had too much to say. I think the ladies in Relief Society got pretty sick of me. Maybe I say too much, however I just can't sit back and enjoy a sugary sweet lesson anymore. Life is not sugary sweet. I am sorry. I hate playing it safe, and bringing up little examples of the perfect life, the perfect prayer, etc. I understand that some people pray so that they will not think negative thoughts while driving. I have never prayed for that. Not that I do not think negative thoughts while driving. It is just that I have so many real sins and problems in my life, that the day I graduate to "Please bless me to be kind to the stranger who cut me off" will be the day I expect a ticket straight to the Celestial Kingdom. I look at a room full of women from different walks of life, and I think "You can't all be thinking these things! Don't any of you still struggle to know the truth of the gospel? Doesn't anyone have serious family problems? What about addictions? Doesn't anyone hover on inactivity? What about depression? What about financial problems? School? Career?" These are the things I imagine people pray about. Am I wrong? Or are we all just so set on looking the Mormon part that we cannot be honest with ourselves about our struggles? I really wish Relief Society could be a place that women could truly express their worries and needs without judgment. I am not saying we should reveal every little sin, but can we be real? Can we discuss real issues.
I feel so sad to admit that we can't. I know for a fact that a woman would be looked down upon if she raised her hand and said she prays to overcome sexual desires, addiction, or other things that are just not mentioned at church. Why not? When a person is trying to live the gospel, they should be supported, no matter what the sin. I wish, hope, and pray for that world.