The other night I went to my sisters Drama Club closing social. She is a theater teacher, and she needed me to do some last minute piano playing. It is to be expected with my sister. She is very good at utilizing her resources, and couldn't let me rest for more than a week before using my talents. Not that I mind, it is just funny.
Sitting there watching the kids perform, get their awards, etc, it struck me that most of the guys had the "pre-missionary" look. Like they are clean cut and dressed ready to open the mission call.
I guess there is nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that everyone looked THE SAME!! There was no difference. No personality, it seems. I am sure these kids all have individual personalities, they just seemed masked by the need to look the same.
The girls were not much better. They had more variety in colors, of course, but they still all looked the same.
The part that was the saddest for me was realizing that I was just like them! When I was in high school, I looked just like the rest of them. I would like to think that I had a unique personality, that I somehow stood out from the crowd, but deep down I know that I was just as dull and boring as the rest of them. I went to seminary every day, went to church, did my hair the way my friends did, ate what they ate, sang what they sang, etc.
My other question is "Am I really any different now?" Have I changed that much, because I have been away for so long? Well, back in New York, most of my friends were not Mormon. Most of my friends were not white. I was different. It was great. However, I feel I have entered into the sameness again. I have blond hair and blue eyes, just like everyone else in my neighborhood. I am pregnant, just like 20 other women I seem to see every where I go. My only difference is that I have lived in the "world" or the "mission field" or "hell" or any number of other names people have for the city.
Well, I loved "the world". I loved being with people who did not believe the way I did. I hope that I will always feel that way. I know there is diversity somewhere in Utah, and I am determined to find it. Just as I am sure there have to be stores that sell clothes that look more like the styles I began to love in New York. There has to be more people who feel like me.